A few years ago, I proposed a consumerist Christmas alternative to my mother and husband: instead of buying gifts for each other, we would make gifts for each other. I knew that if I could get the two of them in on the idea, it would be an easy sell to the larger family, and even friends. The idea, however, was dead on arrival and nothing I said could change their minds in the least. My mother informed me that this would take all the fun out of Christmas. This pronouncement confused me initially until I put it in the context of my mother's shopping habit. She goes trawling through discount stores for any item that in any way reminds her of a loved one. She immediately buys these items and puts them in the closet until Christmas or a birthday arrives. By the time I had made the homemade Christmas suggestion, she would have had half a closet full of little items she was excited to give to us. I didn't want to ruin her Christmas, so I backed off. My husband's objection was much more difficult for me to swallow. He claimed that he didn't know how to make anything. I told him he could write something for me. Hell, he has a PhD in English. He can write something. He just kept saying no. It's hard to argue with "no." So that idea for getting away from consumerist Christmas was dead on arrival. Mind you, he was all for the idea of a non-consumerist Christmas--he just didn't like the idea of having to make something.
But now, I have a new and improved suggestion for getting the stuff out of Christmas: symbolic donations. Rather than searching for a good price on something somehow appropriate for each family member and good friend, we would find a cause that had some connection to something we love about each loved one and make a donation in that person's name. The donation should be small--an agreed-upon amount among all participating. Times are tough, I say $10 per person is fine but since such gifts are tax-deductible, we could probably all afford a good deal more--even in this economy. Here's how it would work: I would do some online research to choose the cause and the recipient organization, and then make the donation in the person's name, asking that an announcement be sent to the person in whose name I'm giving. I then write out a Christmas card to the loved one explaining why I chose that organization to make a donation in his/her name. This card is the thing that should be opened on Christmas morning. Imagine, instead of unwrapping things and stuff, opening pretty little cards with an explanation of why you inspired a donation. It would be meaningful, possibly funny, certainly memorable--I think.
I proposed this donation idea to my mother and husband a few weeks ago. It was received fairly well. My mother stopped frowning at one point. However, she has since gone on to talk about what she's buying for whom. The husband, however, was game. I think most of my family and his would be too. So, on this Black Friday, let me give the gift of an alternative view of Christmas morning:
For my husband: a donation to The Asha Trust in Uttar Pradesh
The card would say: "Dear Brian, I will always remember your telling me about the talk you had with your mother before she died. You had wanted to make sure she knew how important she was in your life and you instinctively focused on your memories of her teaching you to read. You let her know how precious that memory was to you. I've chosen your Christmas donation in honor of that last visit to see your mother and the love she passed on to you. This year, I've made a donation in your name to The Asha Trust in Uttar Pradesh. This organization teaches children to read and offers them asha (Hindi for "hope"). The Asha Trust is part of a reputable nonprofit and it describes itself like this: 'The project educates the children of socially and economically backward communities (primarily landless laborers or farmers on leased land) in a village near Babhnauli who (1) cannot afford education expenses and (2) do not even realise the importance of education. Currently, most children in the community either never attend school or leave schools by the ages of 10 to 12 to contribute to family income. The project attempts to achieve its goals by running a school that primarily provides basic literacy (Hindi, Math, Verbal, English); with plans to provide basic vocational training in the future.' This year, you are the sponsor for [name inserted]. This year, [name] will learn to read and write because of you. मेरी क्रिसमस, मेरे प्यार!"
For my mother: a donation to the Wildcare Foundation in Oklahoma
The card would say: "Dear Mom, I thought it would make you happy this Christmas to know that a donation has been made in your name to an organization that rescues wild animals in this state, rehabilitates them, and returns them to the wild. Your love for the birds and squirrels has inspired the choice of this organization. This year, you will help prevent the needless suffering and death of 14,000 song birds and 600 squirrels--and dozens of other wild creatures. They also rescue, rehabilitate, and release wild cats, foxes, etc. Your donation entitles you to attend an open house at the facility and the release of a creature being returned to the wild. All the little wild creatures are saying, 'Thanks, Pat!' I hope that makes Christmas a little brighter for you."
For my brother: a donation to Shared Housing of New Orleans
The card would say: "Dear Rick, This year, I've made a donation in your name to an organization that helps elderly and disabled New Orleanians stay in their homes. I remember how heart-broken you were when Katrina destroyed the city we love so much. You said you were glad Mama and Papa weren't alive to see it. THe donatation in your name will help some people remain in the neighborhoods they love. One of the things I thought you would particularly like about this non-profit is that they help people of New Orleans forge relationships of support and trust like we remember Mama and Papa had in their beloved neighborhood. Merry Christmas. I love you, Little Bro!"
For my sister-in-law: a donation to The Mr. Holland's Opus Foundation
The card would say: "Dear Lisa, This year, I've made a donation in your name to an organization that helps save underfunded music programs by providing instruments for students who could not afford them otherwise. I see this as an investment in putting a few more people like yourself in the world because when these kids catch the joy of music, they will pass it down to their children like you have done. Thank you for creating a home filled with joy and love. The world needs more people like you. Merry Christmas!"
It takes a bit of time to research these organizations but I was able to pull these four would-be gifts together in a single day. One more day for the nieces and nephews, another for Brian's family, and I will have spent no more money than usual but will have made very personal gifts. Inviting all these people to gift us in this same way isn't hard to ask since it need cost no more in time and money and is tax-deductible too. I've gone back and forth on the question of the children in the family. Does a 10-year-old want this kind of gift? Probably not--but is that a reason not to give a donation in their name for Christmas? Yeah, they'd be happier opening a toy--at first--but I can easily image the sweet and sensitive children of our siblings getting into this. And isn't it a great education in the meaning of Christmas?
Now I will see what the family and friends have to say about this blog post. Will this version of a non-consumerist Christmas take off?
UPDATE: The husband and Mom have read this and Brian's happy with the idea. My mother giggled through the part about her. Not sure what that means yet. I'll give her some time. She did like the organization I picked for her.
